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While we’ve been out here calling Jessica Betts Niecy Nash‘s “wife” after the two wed last summer, as it turns out, she calls her something completely different.

The 51-year-old actress and TV personality/host visited with Ellen DeGeneres this week where she opened up about her relationship with Betts. When Ellen asked her about her comments regarding people saying she “came out,” she called Betts Nash’s “wife.” The star politely corrected her.

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“You called her my wife. I lovingly call her my hersband,” she told the host. When Ellen asked if Betts calls her the same, Nash replied, “No, I’m her wife [laughs]”

In regards to not coming out, Nash reiterated that she loves who she loves at a certain time. She just so happened to fall for her former friend after two marriages to men. She realized Betts was something special after they went out to eat together.

“We were probably friends for four and a half years,” she told the host. “I was already divorced and we were still friends. And we went to go eat crabs. It’s a gateway, people! If you don’t want this life don’t go eat crabs! [laughs]”

“A lot of people say that. ‘Oh, you came out.’ And I say, well from out of where? I wasn’t anywhere to come out of,” she said. “I wasn’t living a sexually repressed life when I was married to men. I just loved them when I loved them. And now I love her. Some people are like, ‘I don’t get it.’”

Even her children have attempted to get her to put a label on herself, and it hasn’t worked out as planned.

“My daughter, the youngest one, she made me sit down and watch a program. She said, ‘Mom you got to know how you identify.’ I said, ‘Oh I do?’ And so we watched this whole thing and it was a thousand different things you could have called yourself. But when I got through watching it she was like, ‘Well what are you?’ I was like, ‘Confused? I’m more confused than ever.’ I was like, ‘I don’t know, I’m Black and I’m your mama now go sit down,’” she joked.

This article was originally posted on MadameNoire.com

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