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“I literally thought about how I could end my life and still get to Heaven and somehow my kids would not be scarred but there was no way I could figure out how to do it. And I’m not the only person that thought about that. I’m not the only person the devil attacked in that area,” Gray said in a recording of his sermon to his church on New Year’s Eve posted to YouTube.
Gray has recently faced public scrutiny over the purchase of a $200,000 Lamborghini for his wife. He also admitted that last summer he listed to voices that lured him away from his wife and family and almost leading him down a path towards divorce.
In the YouTube video, Gray says that he dressed in all black, his “funeral outfit.” “2018 tried to kill me so I thought I’d try to dress for the occasion,” he said.
While revealing that backlash from his personal choices led to his suicidal thoughts, he also revealed that he was getting counseling because prayer alone wasn’t enough to deal with some of the trauma he had left unresolved in his life.
“The truth is some of the stuff that tried to kill me I helped. Nobody wants to shout. Everybody needs to know some stuff wasn’t the devil, some stuff was you. It would be great if we shout for that too because when you shout for that what you’re saying is I take personal responsibility,” he said.
“I wanted to call it quits. ‘Hey you sound like you need counseling,’” he said.
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He added, “You do too. You do too. And I have counselors. And let me help you. Some stuff you can’t slap oil on your forehead and ask for it to go away. Some stuff you gon’ have to work out. Some stuff you gon’ have to walk out. And you gonna need some certified Christian counseling and some therapy.”
On Saturday, Bishop Jakes revealed to Gray that the spirit of suicide was still lurking in his home and openly rebuked it.
“But the Lord, power of the anointing is passing by. There is too much anointing in this room to minister to everybody else and leave you sitting over there festering and festering and festering, especially, you said it in a joking way but especially when the spirit of suicide hangs around your house. I’m trying to get you back,” Jakes said in the video as he laid hands on Gray. “I call it out.”
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John Gray Reveals He Wanted To Commit Suicide, Has Spirit Rebuked By T.D. Jakes was originally published on praisehouston.com