7 Performers Who Will Never Perform The Super Bowl Half-Time Show

The Super Bowl halftime show is the crown jewel of any performer’s resume. It’s an elite club that only a few of the greatest performers of all time have ever had opportunity to accomplish.

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Each year an artist or group with at least a decade of excellence behind them is selected to perform. But something interesting happened this year. Bruno Mars got the nod. To date, Bruno has only two successful albums under his name. Still yet, he was selected. And he’s bringing the long-time rockers Red Hot Chili Peppers with him.

This brings up an interesting question though. Of the newer artists, who has the best shot at playing the Super Bowl? A better question is who will never ever have a shot? Yeah, let’s answer that one.

Ke$ha

Ke$ha has several hits behind her so she should, technically, be a good candidate to play the Super Bowl. But she dresses like someone’s eccentric grandmother and looks like she smells like 40 oz. beers and feet. So no, ain’t happenin’.

Chris Brown

Football may be a man’s game, but women like to watch too. And a lot of them would not at all be cool with having their half-time show be performed by a guy that beat up one of the most popular female entertainers of all time. Sorry Chris. Oh, and how’s that parole going?

Of this entire list, Lady Gaga would have been a lock to get the Super Bowl nod…until she was seen grinding on R. Kelly on Saturday Night Live. He may have been acquitted of peeing on little girls, but no one will ever forget that he was accused of it. And that he tried to marry a 15 year old Aaliyah. Damn, dude.

Kanye West

His performances may be extravagant and his resume may be packed with smash hits, but he’s been caught yelling at people too much. White people are scared of Black people that yell. And since most of the football-watching world is White, sorry dawg.

Drake

Drake would be a difficult choice for the Super Bowl just for being a rapper. But what makes him even more difficult to choose is his passion for sex workers. First it was strippers. Now it’s a pornstar in Kakey. Info like that scares parents whose kids might have questions their parents don’t really want to answer. Date an actress, Drake. Might help your chances.

The “Super Bass” star crossed over hard with a few different singles so she could be a potential despite her rap background. But pasties in music videos? The Super Bowl people ain’t havin’ it. They got in trouble with Janet because the world isn’t ready for Black womens’ boobs on TV. That may change one day, but not yet.

Robin Thicke

Robin Thicke would be a dream choice for the Super Bowl committee since he has a great story. He’s a long-time performer who just added a massive hit to his catalog. And they could forgive the Miley thing since she was White. But he hangs out with way too many Black people. He’s even married to a Black woman. Oh well, Fear Of Blackness claims a potential Super Bowl performing superstar.

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