Flavor Flav once again drew the ire of the Black community at large (and anyone who is just tired of his antics) with his announcement that he was opening up a fried chicken establishment and liquor business. While I won’t call for Flavor Flav to die I would like to suggest some career alternatives that would stay true to his “unique” nature without embarrassing us all in the process.
5. Ring Master For The UniverSoul Circus
We love our man Casual Cal and The UniverSoul Circus hasn’t been quite the same since he hasn’t been under the big top. This would be an easy gig for Flav to assimilate to because of his current fashion sense, energy and connection to the audience. And who doesn’t love the circus?
4. Spokesman for Capital One
While I really don’t want to know what’s in Flav’s wallet (evidently not condoms) he’s already sporting the viking helmet. He might as well get a check for it.
3. Time Keeper For The Special Olympics
Finally he can put those giant clocks to good use. Not only will he be doing a public service keeping time for the races, the participants will get special encouragement that even people with special needs can become celebrities.
2. World Cup Soccer Announcer
While we think Flav could hold his own as an announcer in the NBA or the NFL what could be better than hearing him yell “GOOOOOAAAAAAAL, BOOOOOYYYYYYYYY!” every time a team scored in a soccer game?
1. Stand -Up Comedian
Just hear us out. We know that he was awful in that sitcom, Under One Roof, but we think he was trying too hard. Flav would be the best comedian because he could just speak the truth about his life and it would be funny as hell. For example, “Yeah I’m in this group Public Enemy and we had a hit song called ‘Night Of The Living Base Heads’ about people addicted to crack and everything was all good until I tried the sh*t myself! That changed everything, Gee!!”
If Flav still insists on opening the fried chicken chain we implore him to at least stay away from menu items like KFC’s “Double Down” or the “McRib.”