It’s amazing how a dirty cake can lead onto wrong thoughts of Chris Brown, but read on and you’ll see why we’re a bit horrified (and excited in all the worst ways)
Are we about to witness this again?Oh, it’s like a perfectly scripted fairytale, except this one’s a lot darker, nastier and so sexy it has an XXX rating – because it belongs to the filthpot that is Rihanna (so in that sense it’s not like a fairytale at all – it’s a nightmare if our suspicions are correct).
It’s Ri-Ri’s birthday on Monday (she’s 24 fact fans), but she had a party a week early, because she’s famous and rich and can do whatever the heck she likes. It also means she can have another one next week – always a bonus.
As well as rumours about Bruno Mars getting fresh with a chick on a couch (American words because they’re American people), the other thing that every BD bash needs is of course, a cake.
And seeing as it was Rihanna’s celebration, the cake had to be dirty – not covered in mud obviously because that would have tasted rank, but sexy-filthy.
Robyn is Rihanna’s real name, that’s about all we’re sure about where this cake is concerned
If we’re completely honest, we’re not sure what it is Rihanna (we’re assuming that’s her on it) is straddling and despite holding a 3am meeting over it, the only suggestions we have is a) a tampon (and we see no reason she’d feel like humping one of those) or b) a cigarette containing baccy that is wacky. Yeah, a spliff (and she’s been spotted having a puff recently, so…).
One thing we do know though, it’s a very fruity cake (that was a joke, by the way).
It’s all rather convenient too, because Rihanna’s next single for release is called… you’ve guessed it, Birthday Cake. The version that’s on her latest album Talk That Talk is only around a minute long and is basically, completely rude – you didn’t think it was going to be about sugar and spice did you?
A while back she Tweeted: “Would yall be mad if Birthday #CAKE became a single? Now here’s the trick question! #IF I put [a] collaborator on it, who would u wanna see lick the icing off????? #CAKE”. If you haven’t already guessed, cake in this instance = a lady garden.
Rihanna was sent this as a birthday present and tweeted: ‘A very special Birthday gift! Thank you StarGate and Brainwash … #DearWhitney’ Twitter / Rihanna
Seems the collaboration has indeed taken place and the co-producers of the track, Da Internz, recently told MTV that fans are for a big surprise.
“The feature on there is gonna shock the world,” one of them said while refusing to stun even more by revealing who it is. But they did add this: “The visual has to go with it because everybody’s going to be like, ‘Oh my god!’”
Anyone else have a horrible feeling his first name rhymes with Diss, second with Down and he’s quite nifty with his fists? Please, no.
